Where were you when the world stopped turning?

It was a normal fall afternoon. The Vikings had just wrapped up another disappointing loss, this time to the San Diego Los Angeles Chargers at US Bank Stadium. The television pregame show for the 3:30 Kansas City/Chicago game began... and everything changed.

Suddenly, there were reports that Taylor Swift would be at the game in Kansas City watching football among us smelly and crass peasants.

Cars stopped dead in the middle of the street to make sure they got the signal clear on the radio. Airline pilots cleared all communication with Air Traffic Control and instead put the game on their cellphones in the cockpit. This was going to be one of those moments they would tell their grandkids about, after all!

So many phone calls were made from people sharing the news with their families that cell phone towers were down for nearly 45 minutes.

Taylor Swift was going to be in attendance at the game! And she MIGHT be dating already intolerable NFL media darling Travis Kelce, tight end for the Chiefs. He has a moustache!

Chicago Bears v Kansas City Chiefs
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Suddenly, the little problems of the world didn't matter anymore, as we waited with bated breath to see just HOW Taylor would react to her boyfriend playing football hundreds of feet away from the field.

Would she cheer? Would she clap? Would she do something really weird in celebration, like roll her eyes back in her skull and fold her upper body backwards behind her legs in some sort of weird trance-like state? (Spoiler: She claps.. kind of anticlimactic if you ask me).

It got a bit scary at times as millions of Swifties, desperate just for a LOOK at Taylor Swift watching football, descended onto the parking lot of Arrowhead Stadium. The game was delayed for four hours as the National Guard, who was called in to calm the crowd, ended up JOINING the crowd... powerless to the draw of watching Taylor Swift watch football.

Ultimately, a Taylor Swift lookalike made of straw and dressed in a miniskirt and thigh-high boots was brought in to lure the horde to the plains of Kansas, where they remain to this day.

Chicago Bears v Kansas City Chiefs
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I'm guessing someone won the actual game itself, but I could only find the highlights of Taylor Swift clapping and whatnot on ESPN.

The Chiefs play in New York against the Jets this week and the rumor mill says Taylor will be there in attendance. City officials have frantically been making a massive, $600 million moat around the stadium, protected by several crocodiles, to avoid a scene reminiscent of the one we saw in Kansas City last week.

The Chiefs' next game is right here in the great state of Minnesota, at US Bank Stadium. Will Taylor make an appearance? Will our military be ready to keep the hordes away from downtown proper to avoid a deadly stampede?

Tickets for the game in Minneapolis have surged 60,000% and now will cost over $150,000 and at least one limb (depending on the seller). After all, you will potentially be breathing the air of Taylor Swift!

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